I don’t want to forget you.
16 years old. Paulinian. Dramatic. Weird.
I miss you I miss you I miss you in miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you
How can something that feels so genuine end up like it didn’t matter one bit? It was by far the best month of my life. I don’t know if that’s an overstatement or my life is just too boring to the point that it made me consider July 2014 the best month of my life. I didn’t expect for things to work out that way. I prayed for my career, family and friends and made the matters of the heart last in my priorities but it still came. I don’t know if I’m in love or if I fell in love but I know that I cared deeply for that person. What scary is that there was no basis. We weren’t friends for me to have cared that much for him. I didn’t think things would turn out that great, that spontaneous, that right, that real. It was as if I was on cloud 9 for a month and I never wanted to go down and go back to reality. I was extremely happy. I was the happiest that I’ve ever been. It was not entirely smooth sailing but for me, it was worth the hassle. I learned to appreciate interests and respect differences cause we never really had a common ground, just connection (I hope). He made me feel like I’m the happiest person in the world. He made me want to become a better person. He made me want to pursue higher achievements and be fearless. He made me feel like I’m the most special person. He made me feel like I was worth the effort and the hassle. He’d go out of his way just to see me. I didn’t notice the time and didn’t check my phone when I was with him and counted the hours and checked my phone a lot when I wasn’t. I didn’t want our dates to end. I didn’t want to stop talking to him even if we just parted ways. I wanted to get to know him more, to appreciate his quirks, to hear his voice, enjoy his embrace, witness his smile, to see his soul. I know deep down he’s one of the best people in this world (and it’s ridiculous to say that because I only knew him for a month). I love our car rides where he would randomly kiss my hand, forehead, nose, lips. I love our dates wherein we just talk non stop about anything in the world. I love how we share opinions about life. I love how our differences was never a hurdle. Everything was effortless and it didn’t make sense but I was fine with it. I appreciated where we were and hoped that everything will fall into place eventually. Then just like that, everything changed. It didn’t make sense just like our relationship and it bothered me. I didn’t think it was possible to throw away something good. I didn’t think it was that worthless to throw away. I know I didn’t believe in mere words. I’m sure there were actions related to those sweet nothings. How can someone invest and forget? Why was it that fast? Why did things happen that way? What was its purpose? I have so many questions that I’m not supposed to ask because again, it was just a month. It’s ridiculous to get attached this much and this soon. But my biggest question is, why does everything need basis, need to make sense for it to be considered real and sustainable? Maybe I have the matters of heart figured out all wrong. I don’t know.
I miss you, Dustin. This is ridiculous.
I don’t know how it went but I want you to know that I’m proud of you. I will always be proud of your achievements no matter how little or big it is. I will always be proud of you even if you don’t have achievements. I will always support you in everything that you do and what to do in life. I’m still and will always be your biggest fan. I’ll watch every fight, cheer for you, scream on top of my lungs, wipe your sweat, kiss you and tell you that I love you and I’m proud of you.